October 29, 2017
I recently received an email that I would like to share with you all. It is a story that so many #herpes positive peop…
I recently received an email that I would like to share with you all. It is a story that so many #herpes positive people out there go through. I want to share the story and my response to this person. (Even if you don’t have herpes, check out the “Find Your Way Back” video at the end, it’s amazingly inspirational and may apply to something in your life!!)
This email is from a self described “horrible monster” who was diagnosed with genital HSV several years ago, has been sexually active without disclosing to her partners, and, like many of us, is fed up and wants to change their ways. For those of you following along with my history, that was my story. And for those of you out there in this person’s shoes, we won’t be the last. This person does not want to hurt people and feels like “a vampire who wishes s(he) wasn’t one… I have these biological urges to ‘suck blood’. I put it off again and again and use substitutions. Once a year, I’m drunk and someone is practically begging me and I snap. I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy, to move on, to be alive because of what I have done. I want to be completely honest with everyone around me. I feel like I can’t do that without them asking questions about my past and they won’t understand why I’ve been dishonest in the past. They will think of me as a horrible person. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do you have any advice?”
My email response to this person (with additional info) is here:
1) what you did before was your survival mode and that is ok. That was your method for keeping you sane and functional. The difference between then and now is that you are fully aware what you did was wrong and are ready to take the next step. Moving forward you can make a positive choice for your future in disclosure. You don’t need to be stuck in a shame cycle. We can’t change the past, we can only move forward from this vantage point. The universe puts us in a position to grow, this is an opportunity for your own personal transportation.
2) for others to accept what you did, you have to learn to accept and love yourself first. No one will give you permission for nondisclosing until your give yourself permission to forgive yourself. That may be the bigger piece of it. I have tools to complete that if you like. It is important to know that you were being dishonest about one thing, it doesn’t translate into dishonesty everywhere else. If partners question you, perhaps something to consider is: Have you gone through life without making a single mistake? Are you good enough to judge me?
3) when you start to disclose it may not be perfect the first time. Give yourself space that you won’t be 100% at your best when you disclose. I had a script, I was jittery and shaky and could barely get through it my first time. I did, and through other successful ones too and you will get there too.
4) realize that you are not alone. I didn’t disclose and was sexually active, and you didn’t either. I will tell you in my work I have met MANY people who are in the same shoes. Like it is said in the bible and other quotes: “For those who judge us, let them cast the first stone.” We have all done things in our past that we may be ashamed of. I did mine for 13 years, you did yours for 7. Others have done other things they are not proud of for much longer. It is overcoming what we did in the past that we now recognize is not right that the growth comes.
5) everyone loves a come back story. Just like Robert Downey Jr who had a period of substance abuse, legal troubles, and career upset to now commercial success to pretty much every romantic comedy movie out there, the public is rooting for those who have made mistakes, realize them, and correct it for the good of themselves and the population.
6) Please learn from my story and realize you can change your course and be honest with partners. It is safe! Admit your sexual history to your future partners moving forward. Stand strong and confident in your past decisions, in this one, and future ones, and believe in the positive future that you deserve!
Check out this inspirational video from Lisa Nichols “Find Your Way Back.”:The 3 sentences that changed Lisa Nichols’ life forever
“How did I get here? How will I get out? How do I move from this place?”
“If you can feel it right now, If you feel something stirring in your soul, just that little something, you can’t even describe it, then you’re still in the game… it ain’t ever too late to press reset and fall madly in love with the life that you’ve been given. If you don’t think you get to press reset, it is not over. Matter of fact, it has just begun.”
Discover Lisa Nichols’ 24 strategies to create the life that you want. Download your FREE checklist today: http://bit.ly/FreeAbundance-Checklist